People are Strange

She needn't fear, if the music thing doesn't work out - the Golden Gloves Await!

Is nothing safe? Los Angeles traffic officer 52-year-old Macrida Patterson, appearing on NBC's "Today" show, relayed the harrowing story of how her Victoria's Secret thong caused cuts to her cornea and "excruciating pain." In Officer Patterson's words:"I was putting on my underwear from Victoria's Secret and the metal popped in my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That's what happened."

The metal Patterson refers to was a small metal clip which was holding one of the rhinestones forming a heart in the front (where else?). The "severe damage" her attorney described required a topical steroid. I shudder to think what he considers to be life altering damage. The suit was first filed June 9 in Los Angeles Superior Court and was reported on the Smoking Gun Web site. They are seeking unspecified damages.

Victoria's Secret hasn't commented, nor do they show signs of settling out of court.I suspect that like me, they would like to observe exactly how attorney Jason Buccat will demonstrate wiggling into a thong, the better to show the force,distance, and trajectory of the rhinestone clip to a be-goggled judge and court-room. When thongs attack, woman sues Victoria's Secret for eye injury

A witty and gentle MUST see for all of us living in this terrorized country.

The mere mention of women's sports is often greeted by derision by many male sports fans, while seats go unfilled. There was nary a snort or seat to be found Sunday, they were replaced by unprecedented throngs of men, including media, happy to turn attention away from covering training for the Euro 2008 match on Monday. It is to feature the best of the men's teams from Vienna and Germany. In other words A Very Big Deal! However on Sunday they were all cheering two unofficial women's teams from the two countries, and from all accounts loving it.

Why the interest? A few things were different in Sunday's match. For instance,there could be no traditional swapping of jerseys afterwards. It wasn't modesty, and no one seemed disappointed.As uniforms, the teams were wearing nothing but thongs, with their national colors painted on bare skin, which I will leave to the imagination since most have already raced ahead to it anyway.

The match was the brainchild of an online chat room as a way to build morale for the (official)Euro 2008 match Monday between the two countries. In the women's match Austria beat Germany 10-5, and definitely raised, lifted, and hoisted morale - I suspect on both sides.

No doubt fun, but the match was not without perils,29 yr-old bank employee Doris Fastenmeir stated "I hope our men will take heart from that tomorrow. We played pretty hard, we even had some injuries, like I for example broke my toe nail."

The Germans epitomized good sportsmanship, joining the team from Vienna for libations and dancing at a beach club beside the Danube. They had not been without their problems during the match either. German keeper Jana Bach said (presumably while sober),"I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that, maybe it is because I am not all that much into soccer. I am more into shoes to be honest." Thong wearing topless women boost men's morale in soccer

Never doubt the power of one. In this case it was one beaver. The unknown culprit effectively brought all of southwest Arkansas to a screeching halt.

A fiber optic cable NE of Hope was exposed by rain, apparently making it appealing to "The Beav". After biting through the cable he or she went on their merry way to do what beavers normally do when a delicacy like this isn't presented to them. By 6:30 AM outages of phones and other services were reported in Ashdown, Bodcaw, Hope, and Nashville. No reason was immediately known, but inconvenience and chaos ruled the day.

Emergency calls to 911 had to be rerouted. Customers at Wal Mart could not use their debit cards at all, and credit cards for only a small amount. I shudder to think of the repercussions. Area gas stations, already facing cranky customers, could only take cash, and a bill paying center was knocked out.

The reign of beaver caused chaos continued until 5:00 PM, and is fairly impressive for a buck toothed critter with a flat tail usually content to stick to building things with twigs and mud. Just a thought, but take care not to disturb a beaver dam. With a taste of power, who knows what they're truly capable of doing?

Larry Don Enos,old enough to know better at 57, put on his wig, fake mustache and beard then set out to rob a bank Friday. It couldn't have gone better - up to a point.

According to Fort Worth Police spokesman Lt. Paul Henderson, Enos walked into the bank with a handgun telling an employee: "This is a robbery. I want the money from the drive-thru and the money from the cash register." The bank staff were compliant, handing the money over. This was looking like a profitable day and couldn't be going more smoothly.

It was going well, until he had a similar flash as the one you get when you wonder whether you turned the iron off or not. With cash in hand, he realized he had arrived by taxi. Moving on...When asked to drive him, the teller refused, instead she gave him a set of keys and told him they went to a car in the parking lot. They didn't.

Next, he approached a woman in the drive-thru teller line. She agreed, but pointed out that she needed to pull ahead in order to get out of line. She did get out of line, and kept on driving leaving Enos holding his bag.

Believe this dear reader,I have great admiration for the ingenuity of southern women. Next, he approached another woman with the intention of stealing her car. She readily agreed but merely needed time to get her children out of the car. He waited for her to unload children, and doubtless their accessories, bags, seats and toys. Perhaps he should have selected someone who traveled a bit lighter, but his day had already taken a wicked turn.

. Unfortunately for our hard luck robber, that was when he caught the attention of two soldiers and two by-standers who were only too happy to "slam him down" and subdue him until police arrived.....which probably couldn't have been soon enough for Enos.

There were no (official) injuries, stolen cars or pilfered money. Some days you just shouldn't bother to get out of bed and put on your wig.Bank robber foiled by 3 hot Texas women with cool heads

Auckland,New Zealand is experiencing some of the growing pains we,in the US did a few years ago when transit lanes for car-pooling only were introduced. I must say they put us to shame with their creativity in some cases. Yes friends, blow-up dolls, shop mannequins and dogs dressed as children have all been used to try to justify driving in lanes where there must be at least three occupants.

The North Shore city council traffic safety manager Andre Dannauser has stated, "there were some odd people that tried these antics." You might say so. Knowing the fine is $114.00 motorists have provided enforcement officers taking photos and excuses with quite a colorful collection already. My personal favorite, and surprising to me the one used most often, is that there is an imaginary passenger who simply can't be seen because they are so small. This leads me to believe they may want to step up the drunk driving tickets as well.

It does leave hope for an entrepreneurial future generation. Some enterprising students charged a small fee to get driven past the enforcement officers, before running back up the road to repeat the trick. "The money they generated from that was not enough to pay for the beer for the thirst they generated," Dannhauser said. Pity, teetotalers would have made a mint! Blow-up sex dolls out of the closet, join dummies in fast lane

A 31 yr-old Italian couple must have been extremely surprised at morning mass at a cathedral in northern Cesena.They were apprehended after emerging from the confessional box where they had slipped off to have a tryst while they assumed the congregation was paying full attention to the service. Apparently they weren't.

The couple were detained after their romp in the box and cautioned for obscene acts in public and disturbing a religious function.Their lawyer said they had been out late drinking the night before, and realized they had gone too far. That excuse did not appear to bail them out of their shameful and illegal state. As reported in the paper,they were forced to meet with the local bishop on Tuesday night where they asked for his forgiveness and got it. Before the cathedral could could be used again, the bishop celebrated a "Mass of reparation" to make up for the sacrilege. Couple caught having sex in confessional box during mass

Poor Paris has been taken advantage of once again! Is it any wonder, the obviously innocent and demure girl we see here tanning is simply too trusting! She has sued a Panama-based internet company for $30,000,000. You would too! The self described actress and model claims that Kahatani Ltd. is responsible for releasing a video tape of her having sex with her now ex-boyfriend, Rick Solomon. She claims the release of the video used illegal business practices, was a violation of her privacy and inflicted emotional distress. We all know that she is modest and not at all litigious. Did we mention that Soloman is a ranking member of Kahatani Ltd. and her boyfriend when she made the video with him?

So great was the damage caused that she is also asking $15,000,000 in punitive damages and a further $15,000,000 in actual damages. Yes, that is the proper number of zeros. It almost makes me wish that someone wealthy would violate my privacy. This wasn't the first shot over the bow. In November, Paris, her parents and her publicist were sued by Rick Soloman for $10,000,000, claiming they had slandered him for saying he'd taken advantage of her.

Hilton further defended herself by stating that she only intended the tape for personal use only and it was never intended for viewing to the public. Obviously she and Soloman didn't sign papers to that effect before filming their "private" video. Paris Hilton to sue over internet sex tape with Rick Soloman.

One assumes that rescue workers see just about every form of human misfortune and idiocy possible, but this proves you can always be surprised, and that there may be something to the saying that God apparently does look out for drunks and idiots...not necessarily a separate group.

The above mentioned rescue crew found themselves cutting a porta-potty apart. It seems that a 31-year-old fun seeker with a few too many to drink, was not only nude, but stuck in underneath the porta-potty in the holding tank beneath the potty in the holding tank floating with the effluvium.

Fortunately he must have had the presence of mind to hold onto his cell phone, nude and swimming in the soup, he called 911. He truly was fortunate as they believed him. He was charged with public drunkenness and creating a health code infraction. Astounding to me, is the fact that police weren't curious enough to inquire as to how he came to be nude, and beneath a porta potty. Perhaps they have seen everything. Nude PA man rescued from under porta potty

It was definitely a bad news - good news day for a 49-yr-old Tokyo patient. After being told that he would need to have a tumor the size of a baseball removed which had been causing him abdominal pain, he agreed to surgery. Surgeons certainly did not expect to find a surgical towel in place of the tumor. The towel had apparently been there since an operation he had undergone in 1983 to treat an ulcer. This speaks well for the quality of towels, if not for the thoroughness of surgeons and other operating room staff.

His previous operation had been done at the Ashahi General Hospital, who immediately sent officials to visit and apologize. The patient had no plans to sue,so the hospital is working on another form of compensation

My advice is to look for a tidy surgeon. I was most surprised by the number of verified accounts of towels, sponges, and even surgical tools left in patients. There has been nothing said as to whether they have studied the frequency of these incidents just before lunch, the end of the day, or during a particular phase of the moon. Japanese Patient's "tumor" is 25 yr old surgical towel

A 21-year-old experienced a bigger surprise than the people he and two friends attempted to shock on Saturday evening.

The police report states that the man and his two intrepid friends ran down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back "for a joke." At one point the 21 yr-old "pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant" that broke and resulted in "deep wounds to his derriere." It wasn't stated as to whether there were diners at the window table.

The three paid for the window which may have softened the heart of the owner, as he didn't press charges, perhaps in sympathy for the exposure and ER visit the young man endured. Then again, perhaps the customers enjoyed dinner and a show. Dutch man injures posterior in mooning accident

There is always excitement on the day the new yearbooks arrive, and Middletown, PA was no exception. Excitement must have turned to a combination platter of emotions, depending upon whether you were on one of four "special" pages or not.

It seems a diabolical spellchecker made it's way through four pages of student's names. For instance, imagine Max Zupanovic, he is now "Max Supernova", Kathy Carbaugh is "Kathy Airbag" and Alessandra Ippolito as "Alexandria Impolite," just to name a few.

Co-editor Amanda Gummo states that the mistakes were "only" found on four of the 176 pages, and Ed Patrick of Taylor Publishing said he will provide free stickers printed with the correct names. Patrick claims "It happens all the time, every year, look at any yearbook in the country." I don't know about you, but I've yet to see anything like this, regardless of what Ed Patrick says.

However, I am grateful they weren't on the same staff as the creative souls in a Texas yearbook company...what could be better than a new name - perhaps a different body or extra limb to go with it, as described in a previous article here titled : "Texas yearbooks rejected with heads switched in prank." The Texas pranksters made their "mistake" on purpose, utilizing Photoshop. As far as I know, no employees from either company have lost their job. If you hear of an opening...this sounds like my kind of place to work. Spell-check renames unhappy students in PA yearbook

Hold on tight to your dreams!

Police in Arvada,Colorado are searching for two robbers who burgled a convenience store on May 18.They have only just released the video surveillance tapes in hopes that someone will recognize them - or their disguises, which one might deduce do not belong to them.

The two apparently thought ladie's underwear offered the best visibility combined with coverage as a disguise. Perhaps because of their age or inexperience, they may not have realized other versions of the same"mask" might offer more coverage than - a thong. Perhaps like Beavis and Butthead, they wouldn't be caught dead in "grannie panties" (if they know such things exist, and that they afford maximum coverage). Also, like Beavis and Butthead, they may have reasoned that they'd look cool.I'm doubting they were thinking of "cool" as in breezy and easy to see their faces.

One wore green, the other blue. Due to the very nature of the construction or lack of material used, the "disguise" barely covered the nose, mouth and chin, leaving the rest of their faces exposed, as you can see with the grainy video photo. The two thong desperadoes got away with cigarettes, some cash, and unknown items stashed in the pink backpack one wore. They were unarmed, but one wore a tattoo on his right arm which is clear on the video.....always a good idea to expose distinctive decor to the camera - wear it proudly! I'm guessing it will make a good "getting to know you" story on their first night in "camp" with the other "boys".Colorado Police hunt for robbers wearing thongs as masks